disciplines of a broken home
DISCIPLINES OF A BROKEN HOME.
I am going to advise you on one last thing, and then stop entirely: because that is enough. It is your decision, and it is your future.
With regard to your children, and their need to understand your divorce/ before they lose their way: as did you, at their age under much the same circumstances. “mom and dad are not happy/ and that makes all of us unhappy”.
The foundation response is simple: NOBODY wins, and everybody loses/ but we must all accept the truth. Truth says, even if love remains: sometimes “we the people involved” cannot live together anymore. Sad or not, doesn’t matter.
So the question of every child is the same: WHY, did this happen/ WHAT went wrong/ WHEN are things for me going to get better/ WHERE must I go, & why did no one ask me “this is my life, & my future too”! That extends with, WHO is going to take care of me & teach me what I need to know? That ends with HOW, can I keep my own life, from being separated from those I love?
It is your responsibility to answer these questions as best you can! So I am going to provide some dialogue which might help you understand, what is, or is not important. Even though I am NOT familiar with your situation, some “tidbits” have been reported; so we will begin there.
The price at this time, and the answer MOST important is WHY? So let’s be simple: life demands we must all work to survive. People who lucky, & spend their money wisely, gain time for other things beyond work. People who do not, & spend their money foolishly fail to the degree they hated their work, and wanted more. OR MORE SIMPLY: your dad had to work so the family would survive, be feed, and have whatever it was they needed for living and life. Work is hard, the need to prepare for everything a child will need in the future, is necessary; and that leaves little energy for extras, including marriage. Marriage is the decision to share life equally, and that means to share the work, and care for the people who do the work, and make the rest possible: respect is essential, or every relationship fails and dies.
So the answer of why is: without true support as a couple working together for the sake of family/ that means only one person is working, and the other finds loneliness. Because too much work, or too little eating, so as to retain energy: leaves no room for “being together”. Respect dies, when “I am working too hard for you/ and you are not working, caring, or sharing at all for me”.
Love is different than living together. Love is the essence of everything needed, that I desire or hope for life to be, has been found in you: because you care, and share, and respect me, and I you. Living together is at its core: the realities of survival, confronted by the consequences of want; and whether we will both agree to let truth decide.
WHAT you want/ whatever each wants: determines what the future will be, and that includes love. Want is the foundation of every lie, “if you don’t want something/ then you don’t lie OR if you want to hide something/ then you do lie.” So whatever you want, turns into a lie; unless you allow truth to choose for you instead. The list of excuses is long. The reality of choices is not: EVERY single decision a human being makes is either, “for love/ for hate/ or for survival”. Because these are the outcomes, at a human or environmental level. So the question becomes, “love seeks to honor and support, through respect”. Hate seeks to destroy and deny respect, so that “people become like me”. Survival is a need that refuses to be denied; and the cost is directly related to the options that exist. Options are like real knowledge: they exist, because you understand the consequences and choose wisely, to determine the future. Fate is not wise/ it simply slogs on, until reality slaps you in the face, and makes you stop.
When family is broken, and potentially dying as a result of two people fighting among themselves for all that wasn’t “what I needed you to be”. The outcome of that fight is determined by the abuse one uses against the other. Abuse is: “I HAVE JUDGED YOU”/ and from that, determined you have no value to me. This leads to tragedy for all. So the question of what happens to the children is basically determined by forgiveness. Forgiveness means: “yes we did love each other/ yes we each chose to participate as we did, even if the other guided me into the situation, I chose”. Or more simply: tragedy increases in direct proportion to who and what you blame. Those who do best, simply recognize: life has changed, and we must go on as best we can. Every child needs love: every love needs time. It is that simple!
Survival says: “we all have to do, what we literally have to do; even if it isn’t truly fair”. Because survival is a need, NOT a want; and if we don’t respect, and honor that need first, bad things will follow. Just how it is, and that fact does not allow for “letting the children decide/ if this family survives”. It is not your job, nor is it your entitlement: because whosoever does the work, has that right.
The hardest part, for “family” comes next: who is going to love me enough, to heal everything that went wrong; for me? It applies to all, because as it was noted in the beginning; when family fails, everybody loses! The unfortunate truth of love is: we give to each other, our securities as a shared response to your care. That enlarges life, and encounters “beyond myself”; as loneliness escapes, and happiness becomes our home. When family dies, whosoever took the most, has left the most heartbreak behind. So the end result is: “I don’t have enough left, to give more of me; than just the little that is shared with you”. I need to find my own love back/ I need to understand, someone of my own generation cares about me! It is a fundamental of nature, that this must be so; because no matter who you are, “love lost” is a tragedy not easily removed. Which is why a broken home, is indeed broken. The one who took more than they lost; is the one with some love to give, because they chose to steal it; refusing to give that love and respect back. It is a survival response, and may be more; it is not right to judge/ so the fact does not matter. What matters is: nothing you want will help/ it is tragic. What matters is: only the truth survives and thrives, when its purpose is truth to life and love. What matters is: let the truth decide the future, because anything less, “will be a broken road (you cannot pass, without grief)”.
Every child must do the best they can to retain a relationship with their parents; treating them equally the same. Because anything less is judgment/ and judgment leads to hate. Hate is a road to catastrophe/ want is a road to lies, and liar/ pride is the failure of a game (because life is no game; there are true consequences, and real needs). So the beginning of family risen from the dead so to speak is: let us all recognize what is true, and not make any excuses for it. This is simply the truth of our lives together. From that truth, we begin again to understand the relationships and realities and decisions that became our fate. Upon doing that, we then lay the foundation for rebuilding a life that will survive time. Knowledge expands our opportunities; truth examines the evidence to accept what can be understood as proven true; wisdom explains without condemnation, so as to extrapolate a decision which will have value for us all.
The reality of “substantial” religion is, as proven throughout history: this is a discipline to be learned, which will then help organize your life, by giving it the balance you need to regain stability, and its securities. By turning you past self, so as to recognize: LIFE IS MORE, than just about you. Reality, by its creation of miracles: is bigger, than what you believe. So look again, beyond self, and share the destiny that love proved true.